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2001 AMECHE LEAGUE AWARDS

 

ALL-DUNCE TEAM:

(Starters in Bold)

 

QUARTERBACKS: Drew Bledsoe (Co-Captain), Vinny Testaverde, Quincy Carter, Jon Kitna, Jeff George (on reserve.)

RUNNING BACKS: Fred Taylor (Captain), Eddie George (Co-Captain), Michael Bennett, Ricky Watters, Edgerrin James, Nick Goings, Jamal Anderson.

WIDE RECEIVERS: Eric Moulds (Co-Captain), Randy Moss, Cris Carter, Ed McCaffrey, Antonio Freeman, Plaxico Burress, Marcus Robinson (on reserve.)

TIGHT ENDS: Shannon Sharpe, Eric Johnson.

KICKERS: Billy Grammatica, Sebastian Janikowski

DEFENSE: Kansas City, Buffalo

 

Additional Awards:

When Will People Ever Learn: 1. Fred Taylor, 2. Jeff George, 3. Antonio Freeman, 4. Any Denver running back, 5. Ryan Leaf

In the grand tradition of TJ Matthews, Kevin Tapani, Greg Harris and Reidel Anthony: Marcus Robinson for Mike Alstott.

Why Plaxico Burress Made All-Dunce, In 757 Words or Less: Peerless Price.

For that same $142, you too could have had Rich Gannon and $53 left over for any running back you want: Vinny Testaverde, Brad Johnson, Michael Vick.

Players signed long-term most likely to be bought out in 2002: 1. Brian Griese,  2. Rob Johnson, 3. Daunte Culpepper.

All-Dunce Captain, Baseball Division: Steve Schott, Owner, Oakland A’s.  Could have had Jason Giambi signed for six years at $90MM in spring training but wouldn’t agree on a (limited!) no-trade clause.

Person most responsible for ensuring the Yankees’ continued dominance in baseball for (at least) the next five years: Schott.  See above.

In retrospect, perhaps the correct choice was “None of the Above”: The Rob Johnson/Doug Flutie QB controversy in Buffalo.

2001 Dunce Most Likely to be on the 2002 All-Value Team: 1. Drew Bledsoe, 2. Eric Moulds, 3. Eddie George, 4. Michael Bennett, 5. Marcus Robinson.

2001 Dunce Most Likely to Repeat in 2002: 1. Fred Taylor, 2. Antonio Freeman 3. Sebastian Janikowski 

2001 Dunce Least Likely to be in the NFL in 2002: 1. Jeff George 2. Nick Goings 3. Billy Grammatica

All-Dunce Captain, Hockey Edition: Eric Lindros.  The Jeff George of the NHL.

Could someone please tell me how this is pronounced: ‘00’s

Yogi Berra quote that best describes the gameday trip to Foxboro: “The first 90% of a trip takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90%.”

 

 

 

ALL-VALUE TEAM:

(Starters in Bold)

 

QUARTERBACKS: Kordell Stewart (Co-Captain), Kurt Warner, Tom Brady, Jeff Garcia.

RUNNING BACKS: Priest Holmes (Captain), Anthony Thomas (Co-Captain), Shaun Alexander, Antowain Smith, Mike Alstott, Stacey Mack, Dominic Rhodes.

WIDE RECEIVERS: Troy Brown (Co-Captain), David Boston, Chris Chambers, Marty Booker, James Thrash, Peerless Price.

TIGHT ENDS: Bubba Franks, Alge Crumpler.

KICKERS: Kris Brown, Jeff Wilkins.

DEFENSE: Cleveland, Green Bay.

 

Additional Awards:

Running Backs? We Don’t Need No Stinking Running Backs!: “Wide Receivers this week are Marvin Harrison, Isaac Bruce, Terrell Owens, and Jimmy Smith”

Players Worth Every Bit the 89 Dollars (Just Ask Eddie George): 1. Marshall Faulk, 2. Rich Gannon.

If Greg wins it all, here’s a big reason why: Combined draft value for Chris Chambers, Antowain Smith, Shaun Alexander and Bubba “Gump” Franks: $15.

If Phil and TONY don’t finish within 300 points of 10th this year, here’s a big reason why: Combined draft value for Michael Westbrook and Quincy Carter: $32.

If he doesn’t make the Pro Bowl, I’ll pay to send him there myself: Troy Brown.

Randy Moss without the Attitude: Chris Chambers.

Player most likely to be Trent Dilfer when he grows up (but not as good a golfer): Tom Brady

If PGar finishes out of the money, here’s a big reason why: Peerless Price through Week 15 had 94 points.  57 of those points came in the 3 weeks Pete didn’t start him.

Then again, the Pirates stole Brian Giles from Cleveland and look how much good that did them: Walt and Bruce trading for Mike Alstott.

Even if he was a 6 year 65 dollar guy, he’d still be on the value team: Kurt Warner

No Longer the Best-Kept Secret, Part I: 1. Troy Brown, 2. Anthony Thomas, 3. Shaun Alexander, 4. Tom Brady, 5. James Thrash.

Most Timely Free Agent pickups: 1. Todd Bouman, 2. Marty Booker, 3. Cleveland’s Defense, 4. Christian Fuamatu-Ma’afala, 5. Dominic Rhodes.

Like having to choose between Cameron Diaz, Jill Arrington, Melissa Stark and Beyonce Knowles: Bob SR, Week 7 on choosing his starting QBs: “Picking two QB's out of the 4 (starting QBs) I have is not easy. There are 6 ways to pick 2 out of 4, meaning all other things being equal, I have a one in six chance of picking the best two.”

Of course, some problems are better to have than others: Phil and TONY’s QBs at one point this season: Quincy Carter, Doug Flutie, Rob Johnson, Neil O’Donnell.

If nothing else, it should be more watchable than ‘Inside Schwartz’ or ‘Bob Patterson’: FOX is reportedly considering a sitcom based around John Rocker, Carl Everett and Terry Glenn being roommates.

Things you’ll never hear, Part I: “Hey Coach, Terry Glenn here.  Could you do me a favor and leave me the key for the practice field so I can let myself in early?”

Vote of No Confidence Award: Craig in Week 16 playing Tim Rattay, SF third stringer, over Jon Kitna, Cincinnati starter.

What Are You Guys Waiting For?: San Francisco’s Defense 

Things you’ll never hear, Part II: “Hey, Britney Spears has a great voice, doesn’t she?”

The 2001 All-Name Team: QBs Giovanni Carmazzi and Marques Tuiasasopo, RBs Ben Gay (Captain), Christian Fuamatu-Ma’afala (Co-Captain) and Obafemi Ayanbadejo, WRs TJ Houshmandzadeh (Co-Captain) and MarTay Jenkins, TE Alge Crumpler and K Cedric “The Entertainer” Oglesby.

Next thing you know, Bank One and Phillip Morris will be buying the rights to the new Patriots stadium and calling it “BOB-Kraft Ballpark”: The Charlotte Hornets are reportedly on the verge of being sold to Tricon (the corporation that owns KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell) and moving to Louisville.  If this happens, the team’s name reportedly will be changed to the Kentucky Colonels, and the new arena they play in will be called the “KFC Bucket.” 

Asleep at the Switch, Part I: Week 10, Phil called in Marcus Robinson at 5 dollars.  Not a bad move, except the week he picked him up he started him…..even though he’d been on IR for nearly a month!

Asleep at the Switch, Part II: Derek called in Marty Booker to start Week 3.  Ordinarily a smart play, except for the fact that the Bears had a bye that week.

No Longer the Best Kept Secret, Part II: Jill Arrington came in first in Playboy.com’s survey of “Sportscasters you most want to see nude,” with 26 percent of the vote.

Things you’ll never hear, Part III: ”With his work ethic and selfless attitude, Jeff George has really set the tone for this team.”

Most common mispronounciations of Fuamatu-Ma’afala: 1. Fu-mu-tu-ma-fa-ta-la-ha 2. Fu-a-lamahalafala 3. Fu-mu-mu-la-mu-ha…whatever, that guy from Pittsburgh, you know the one,  4. Fe-Fi-Fo-Fuma  5. JA-no-ni.

And finally, I swear I am not making this up: In Washington, a Federal Government building was evacuated when an employee who worked in the building noticed a suspicious white powder on one of the elevator buttons.  Once the building was evacuated, the powder was thoroughly tested and examined.  Powdered sugar from a donut, as it turned out.

 

 

 

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